I actually love when it happens because I often have a neatly typed & thorough email ready to go, or I have just recited some good research and it’s fresh in my mind.  Makes for quick, easy answers for new moms!

Well, it happened over the past 48 hours and this time I had the thought to share it here.

One twitter chat, and two moms emailed me about the how/when/if to introduce cow’s milk into their breastfed babies diet when they turn 12 months old.

Here is my response to this question, an honest opinion on the subject, complete with bullet points.  As usual, your mileage may vary so check with your personal guru or doctor if you think something here doesn’t feel right for you.

~~~

About giving cow milk to a still nursing 12 month old …. NOOOOOOO (cue sound of wheels grinding to a halt, or a record needle scratching to a stop on a turn table).  One year old babies do not need to start cow milk.  Here are my thoughts on why …

1. The notion of introducing cow milk comes from the idea of weaning babies off of infant *formula* and putting them on a cheaper, but still somewhat nutritious cow’s milk for their second year of life.  Why milk? Ask the dairy council — in truth though, it’s an easy way to get a good chunk of the daily nutrients required into non-nursing babies who are beyond the needs of an infant formula.

2. As long as your child is nursing between 3 – 5 times in a 24 period, he doesn’t need ANY supplemental milk! If he’s only down to once or twice a day, you can give him the extra fat & protein breastmilk provides via food sources.  It doesn’t have to be milk (although the dairy council would say otherwise, lol).

On that same note, one might assume though that if your child were down to only nursing 2x a day by 12 months, they might already be supplemented with formula or expressed milk in a bottle.  What to do then, for a child accustomed to a bottle?  For that I’d say, see the next point 3.

3. If you’d like to offer him some additional calories via sippy cup/bottle – or during meals in a cup, cow milk is not my favorite.  There’s really no need for it nutritionally over any other “milk” that is wholesome and commercially marketed out there (except rice milk – I think rice milk is basically like juice nutritionally).  Point is:  you can give him all the extra protein, fat and calcium he needs if he’s eating diverse wholesome foods (picky eaters might be another story, I would talk to a nutritionist or your pediatrician).

4. In my opinion, offer him water in the sippy cup if you’re eager to have a cup for him (stay away from juice).  You can skip weaning to a bottle all together!  Straw cups are my favorite to start with.  And if you’re really keen on exploring other milks, try almond or hemp.

5. Political soap box: human milk for human babies, cow milk for cow babies. “Species specific” as they say.

6. All that said, whole cow milk is not evil, and sometimes it really is an easy way to get extra calories in say a kid who needs it (like my Angus who is a lean, 6 year old bean pole who I nursed for 3 years.  I do offer him milk at dinner because any extra organic whole milk or high fat good foods I can get into him I will – cheese, avocado, nuts, bananas, whole milk, homemade pudding, butter, whole milk yogurt with the yummy cream on the top, etc.). Again, point is: organic, grass-fed, as chemical free as possible … go for the good stuff!

7. Can I just dwell again on the idea of …is COW milk really better than BREAST milk? REALLY? Come again? When these blogs, articles and essays talk about weaning from formula & breastmilk to cow milk … I’m just agog!!!  Cow milk (giant bovine indigestible casein & protein molecules that offset & irritate intestinal balance) vs. perfect food for baby in every way? I mean, come on … gimme a break!

8. Breastmilk by the way has a higher fat content than cow milk if that’s your worry, so there’s that.

And with that … I think I’ve supplied a nice list of points to ruminate on next time some one or some article confuses you about if and when you should give your breastfed 12 month old cow milk.  The answer is:  relax, enjoy solid food exploration and don’t stress the cow milk!

Breastfeeding Blessings To All ~

Deirdre 

There are things we learn as we grow wiser as mothers.  My first lesson was on what not to wear breastfeeding in public the first time.  I chose an old pair of baggy denim overalls (think Dexy’s Midnight Runners).  Negotiating straps, denim bibs, tank top underneath … it was stress provoking to say the least.

Most new mothers get anxious the first few times they have to nurse their baby in public. We all second guess ourselves, can I do this, am I in a place I feel safe, who might be looking at me, who might bother me, will any one care, am I wearing something conducive to easy breastfeeding, do I feel protected, comfortable … normal?

I am certain I didn’t give an ounce of thought to what I was wearing that day when I stepped out.  And there I was, donned in overalls, sitting smack in the middle of a busy diner.

Planning in advance can make all the difference in your confidence and comfort level!

Back to the diner, my girlfriend and I had ordered our food and as we waited my sweet baby girl started to stir.  I remember breaking into a cold sweat and looking around the restaurant for safe haven, hoping somewhere a Wise Crone would appear to usher me to some sacred, private nursing mother’s Red Tent.  No such luck.

So, nervously I put my baby to my breast, latched her on and look around thinking surely half the diner guests must be staring at me disapprovingly.

To my wonderful surprise no one is paying me any attention, not even my girlfriend.  Sure, she noticed it was time for my baby to eat, but that’s what we were all there for … lunch! Conversations kept going, the din of a busy diner continued, life was moving on as normal.

I felt triumphant, baby girl relaxing, nourished in my arms.  Adrenaline lowering. Oxygen and prolactin flowing. Sweat diminishing … breathe, breathe, breathe.  Yes!

My advice to all expectant and new mothers is know you may have a moment (or several) of fear and anxiety.  It is normal to feel this way.  Not everyone does, but for those who do, you are not alone!

Try sitting down in front of a full length mirror at home and practicing latch on.  Look to see how your arm crosses & protects your chest from view.  Try different positions to see if one brings you a greater sense of confidence.

Investing in a nursing wardrobe can cost a fortune.  If you can, buy a few choice, key pieces like a tank top or two at least, that you can wear under other layers.  Layers are great.  Wearing (or carrying in your diaper bag) a button down shirt as a second layer will help protect any side/back skin that may be revealed when you raise a shirt to nurse.

Make your first few ventures out to places where you know you’ll be welcomed nursing in public.  I recommend a first outing be to a local breastfeeding support group like La Leche League.  Meeting other new breastfeeding mother’s brings wonderful solidarity and comfort to any new moms still getting her sea legs.

Know your routes – because if you get caught while travelling from point A to point B and baby needs to feed, know where breastfeeding moms are welcomed without question; a local coffee shop, children’s store, library, book store, baby store, yoga studio, etc.

Finally, with a lot of chatter in the media about breastfeeding activism, nursing in public and women being asked to stop feeding their baby (lest it offend, ugh!), a recent piece in Mother Magazine online by the wonderful  Jake Aryeh Marcus (Sustainable Mothering) helps clear up the law … . Lactation and the Law.

So, how was your first time?  I’d love to hear about it!

Breastfeeding Blessings to all ~

Deirdre 

My second was born in August, after just coming through what the news claimed was the “hottest July in NYC history”.  Air-conditioned city buses, Barnes & Noble on 83rd, Natural History Museum and the comfy chairs in coffee houses got me through that hot summer as a very pregnant mom to a busy toddler.

What’s important to remember is finding cool where you can and that both you and baby need to be mindful of your hydration, heat exposure and taking a break when you can.  As long as you’re prepared for the heat, pregnant and nursing mothers can sail through the hot months without issue.

Staying cool ….

Despite what relatives and well meaning friends may suggest, water is not necessary for a breastfed baby, especially in the first 6 months.  Breastmilk is over 80% water!  Some studies show that offering water is not only empty calories but may make baby less interested in breastfeeding when the next feeding time comes.  The best way to nurse a summer baby is to continue with on demand feedings.  If it’s a true heat wave, you can always offer more and your breasts will adjust to the supply and demand of your baby and the heat.  That’s the magic of breastmilk and feeding on demand – it adjusts to your baby’s needs!

Quick tip: if you’re both very sweaty when sitting down to nurse, and skin to skin seems like it’s going to be a sticky mess, grab a swaddling blanket!  Putting a light natural fiber blanket between you will absorb sweat and keep skin from sticking to each other in an uncomfortable way.  For sweaty heads resting on your arm – the same, use a light washcloth or folded blanket to absorb the sweat and keep baby from slip-sliding!

Some, but not all babies do become irritable in the heat.  This does not mean your milk supply isn’t meeting their needs!  Like any older child or adult, they’re just looking for a way to chill out … so read your baby’s cues and take measures to help them through the heat:  dress them in light colors & natural fibers, keep them in the shade and air conditioning, dress in layers and have a light blanket handy for when you do enter a cool air-conditioned place, use a damp, cool washcloth to gently wipe & soothe away the sweat when necessary.

Know your neighborhood and what air-conditioned coffee shops, stores and libraries welcome a mom to take a break from the heat. Remember the hours when the sun beats down the hottest – noon to 3pm.  If you have to go out, know which spots have cool, available water and bathrooms, and of course a clean, welcome place to nurse your baby.

What is your body telling you?  Breastfeeding should not only be a time for your sweaty summer baby to nourish, but a reminder to you too to cool down!  Breastfeeding will burn on average about 200 – 500 calories a day.  You’re busy enough trying to keep nourished, balanced and even chase a toddler or two  … without throwing in the stresses of a heat wave!

Have available in abundance hydrating, water filled foods & drink in your kitchen …

watermelon
cucumbers
celery
grapes (frozen grapes are a great, refreshing treat!)
salad with fresh dandelion greens
corn on the cob (warm or cold)
peaches
blueberries
asparagus salad (cold)
cold soups – gazpacho, cucumber
herbal iced teas
water with chunks of fruit, melon, mint & citrus in it

Quick Tip From Grandma:  wet a few bandannas, roll them up like a neckerchief and toss them in the freezer.  As you step out for a stroll, take one out and wrap it around your neck.  Cool and refreshing!

Soon enough, the cool breeze of summer’s end will be here and you’ll be looking for Halloween costumes for your baby … so hang in there, stay cool & healthy and nurse your baby with love and frequency!

Happy Summer Breastfeeding Blessings ~

Deirdre

Everybody’s cool, yes? Maybe? Um..?

The goal of every parent is to minimize negative feelings older children may have about their new brother or sister, and to protect them from hurt feelings.  Add to that finding confidence in ourselves to know we have enough love for all.  We want the whole family to see this transition as a welcome and positive thing. Allow children to express themselves.  But heed that advice yourself! Find outlets for you frustrations and challenges: mommy & me groups, post partum support groups, LLL, yoga, hire a babysitter for date night, online communities (hello!).   All that wise advice about taking care of yourself post partum?  That you listened to with your first, nap when baby naps? It still applies!  Nap, nourish, rest – as best you can!   If you’re really struggling with baby blues, seek out the advice of your midwife or doctor. Don’t isolate yourself and not reach out for the help you need!

Birth, breastfeeding and brothers & sisters:

It is clearly understood that breastfeeding gets off to the best start if you begin your preparations before baby arrives.  Care and thought on planning your birth, how and where you birth, can effect outcome.  We know outcome deeply impacts the mother-baby pair and plays a significant role in the success and the longevity of the breastfeeding relationship. The same is true of transitioning to two.  How we give birth, how we bring our new one Earth-side, how we allow family and loved ones to say hello for the first time, are integral parts of transitioning.  Whether at home, in hospital, a surgical birth or vaginal – we must prepare children for this.

Start the birth conversation before baby arrives.  

We know parents share the pregnancy with their kids, but don’t forget to talk about the birth and those first few weeks post partum.  My experience is that overwhelmingly children respond to their parents emotion and energy.  If you’re calm, warm, compassionate about the birthing process, so too will your children be.  Let us model for our children that birth, like breastfeeding, is a natural process and not a medical event.

Advice about labor: at some point or another children may come upon mom laboring – loud or soft, mom will be in a zone, and children need to know that mom is safe and ok.  They need to know her “funny” breathing, making loud noises, crying even, is all normal.  It is her “birth song” to help her bring the baby out.

If they’re really young, just practice with them – get down on your hands and knees and gently say, “when baby comes, mama is going to sound like a lion because her body is getting ready to birth.  I’m going to make some very funny noises … shall we make them together?” And crawl around the house roaring like a lion, breathing like a snake, moving like a hippo in the muddy water!  You’ll have giggles doing it and the child will see your body in positions and motion the same as you may be in during labor.

Have I ruined my child’s life?

One day when I was just a week or two post partum with my 2nd and crying about ruining my firstborn’s life, my girlfriend looked at me deadpan as we sat on a bench in Riverside Park and said, “Deirdre, the mama bear in you loves both of them.  Evolution protects this system.  We don’t eat our young!  So stop worrying about not having enough love for the 2nd one or that Mother Nature doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

I remember being overwhelmed and confused by her joking honesty.  ”Of course we don’t eat our young, but look how miserable my two-year old is?”  I wanted to shout.

Was she miserable though?  Or was that just my head-game?  All parents have moments where they feel heartache about the change they’ve inflicted on their firstborn.  Feel it, honor it … then let it go!

Be honest about the good and the bad:

Depending on your child’s age, be patient with their ability to grasp the concept of what is happening.  While they’re transitioning, allow for the expression of both the good and the bad.  Explain how you’re feeling if they seem concerned.  They may feel unsafe and scared if mom is healing from a difficult birth and no one is communicating to them what’s going on.

Remember, positive good feedback is easy for them – we know when they’re happy. Expressing the hard stuff is their challenge and it can manifest in all kinds of unexpected ways.  Find outlets for kids to express what they need.

Helpful Transition Ideas:

~ I found sitting with my daughter with an artists pad and asking her to “scribble” or “draw” what she was feeling helped. Kind of like journaling, 3 year old style!  She’d scribble, I’d ask her to tell me about it, then I’d write her words next to her art work.  I think this helped her feel validated that I was really listening to her.  And it gave us time together.  A book I turned to was Siblings Without Rivalry.  It has what I felt were compassionate  strategies to help in this transition.

~ Another fun, artistic way to tell children it’s ok to feel off balance is to play with the yin-yang metaphor.  Draw them, doodle them, craft them out of every thing in your craft box.   Sometimes we’re tired, sometimes no.  Sometimes we feel bright and colorful, sometimes a little darker!  Sometimes we’re mad, sometimes we’re happy.

~ Is there a sibling class in your area? Many childbirth educators and doulas offer sibling classes.  Homebirth educators tailor the classes for those siblings who will be around when mama gives birth.  These classes are usually just a few hours long and are filled with useful information – how best to hold and show your love to the new baby, why babies cry, what baby needs, how it eats, what it’s like to be a big sister or brother.

~ Have a stash of “special treasures” that only come out when you are nursing the baby. Some kind of treasure that is usually off limits, but because this is a special time, let older brother or sister have something special too.  Mom’s costume jewelry, dress up, special magic markers or pens, fun scissors, ribbon, stickers.

~ Put a blanket down on the floor and have a picnic with you child each day.  Put books, toys, snacks and just camp out on the blanket for a bit.  Have the new baby in a Moses basket or swaddled near by, but not at the center of your picnic.  Lay down, head to head, giggling, loving, playing … just you and the older sibling.  B

~ Give your child a doll of their own! Their very own baby to nurture, breastfeed, diaper, “wear,” cuddle.

~ Establish a secret handshake, wink or word that is just between you two!  The purpose of this word is use it when  grandparents, family and neighbors are ooogling over the baby and barely saying hello to big sibling.  Pretend together that moments like those are so annoying!  Roll your eyes and joke with you kid, “again?”  They’ll feel not so all alone in their frustration if they know you’re in on the secret!

Books We Like:

I’m a Big Sister and I’m a Big Brother, by Joanna Cole
We’re Having A Homebirth, by Kelly Mochel
Baby on the Way, by Martha Sears
Mama’s Milk/Mama Me Alimenta, by Michael Elsohn Ross
We Are Having a Baby, by Viki Holland
We Have a Baby, by Cathryn Falwell
Welcome With Love, by Jenni Overend
My New Baby, by Rachel Fuller
Lisa’s Baby Sister, by Anne Gutman

And join our Facebook page!  We are a growing online community and welcome you to share your struggles & triumphs with breastfeeding, birth … and whatever else coming into Motherhood means to you!

Special thanks too, to Gertie and George, for letting me use that wonderful picture of them!

Breastfeeding Blessings ~
Deirdre  

my mom who taught me how to see with compassionate eyes.

my mom who taught me how to listen with an open heart.

my mom who taught me how to hug often and with a loving touch.

my mom who taught me how to taste the flavors of the world and marvel at the diversity.

my mom who taught me how stop and yes, smell the flowers … because beauty is all around us.

What is motherhood?  Motherhood is sharing ourselves intuitively with our children, wholly giving of ourselves … but yet balancing peace and light within so we can keep the stores of love nourished and abundant in our hearts.  Motherhood is smiling a knowing smile of recognition when we see ourselves in our children.  We feel love course through our veins when we look upon our nest and know our nurturing has made a difference.

Motherhood is nodding in solidarity to a new mom strolling with her newborn down the street.  You know that new mom.  You’ve been that new mom.  Motherhood is smiling at her and letting her know she’s alright!

Motherhood is modeling the kind of strong, compassionate woman you want your children to honor.  It’s about teaching sons to love and respect women and teaching daughters to rise up and excel beyond limits.

Motherhood is wearing your heart on the outside as the expression goes.  It’s  holding your breath and believing in the potential of every child!  Holding your breath until you die … at the ripe old age of 95 … because you have work to do, you have children to raise and see through to adulthood, and grandbabies to hug and smell and laugh with and cuddle.

Holding our breath with love, standing on our tippy toes waiting to leap into every new milestone … with a faith that the net will be there as we float blindly into strange new territory.  With love and fear and overwhelming mama bear urges we usher our children safely … usher them safely .. over every threshold; infancy, toddlerhood, preschooler, kid, teen, young adult, independent, strong adult, jobs, relationships … love, sorrow, anger, triumph, pride, danger, joy, peace  …

My mother still holds her breath and has faith and takes a leap every now and again watching my brother and myself.  I know she does, still, even as my brother and I hit our mid-40′s!  And I feel so very, very blessed knowing she’s out there, faithfully, with open heart and bated breath waiting to hear just about anything we want to share with her!

Happy Mother’s Day … to my mother, and to every mother, everywhere!

Peace ~
Deirdre  

Wet burps, blops on your shoulder, white stains on every shirt, lift baby to cuddle and …splat?

Spitting up (usually just a mouth-full) is common and is on the normal spectrum for (most) babies.  Statistically about 40% of babies spit up 2 – 3 times per day.  When it’s your baby though, no doubt you are concerned.

Breastmilk is quickly absorbed.  You can be confident that what gets spit up is minimal and that for a healthy baby, it isn’t making a lick of difference to their overall health and well-being.  Spitting up is not an illness or stomach bug.  They are not “vomiting” – they are just returning back to you that last gulp of milk.

What causes spitting up?  There are a myriad of reasons, causes and cure suggestions.  The usual suspects may include the maturity of the gut & digestive system, milk flow rate & milk ejection reflex (too much milk too fast), food sensitivities, bottle feeding, poor latch, air swallowed, distraction at the breast (on again, off again), a difficult birth where sensitivity or over-stimulation is heightened (get thee to a cranial sacral massage therapist!) …. all plus more may contribute to your baby’s frequency of spitting up.

Addressing each one of these as a potential cause may help.  Look at positioning while you feed, what are your mechanics, how is the latch? Are you bringing baby upright for several minutes after a feed?  Are you moving baby around swiftly after a feed?  Infant or cranial sacral massage is a lovely modality to help with the flow of “gut” energy and to stimulate active digestion that may be a little premature in an infant.  If you offer both breasts per feeding – be sure to bring baby up in-between feeds to let gravity work.  Burping doesn’t have to be aggressive, smooth circular (in the direction of the large intestine) gentle strokes on the back can do the trick.  Try “biological nurturing” and actually feed baby in a vertical position (http://www.biologicalnurturing.com/).

You could try all this and nothing may change.  For some babies, it’s just “one of those things my baby does”.

I tell moms to look at their whole baby in relation to the spitting up.  Is baby happy? Gaining weight? Meeting its marks for development? Are you getting the normal number of diapers?  Is baby showing signs of arching, pain & discomfort at all? Is baby pretty much a well adjusted, happy thriving little person?

To which the answer usually is, baby seems fine, but it’s just “sooo much milk”.

Or is it?  How much milk are we talking about here?

Try this – take a teaspoon, a tablespoon and an ounce shot glass.  Fill them all with milk. Toss them on the floor and see how big a splat it makes.  Go ahead … have fun.  You’ll be surprised by what the splat volume looks like.

Here are the three measurements side by side (with some bananas) for comparison.

Chances are your baby is spitting up only in the teaspoon, maybe the tablespoon, range each time.  This can be a fun exercise to bring you peace of mind.  And if you have older children around, have them help – they’ll get all sorts of giggles out of it.

Rest assured that spitting up is more of a laundry and clean bib nuisance for you, and less of a painful problem for baby!

Breastfeeding Blessings ~

Deirdre

I think some are confused by the word “cafe”.  The cafe is a support group to be certain.  It comes from a growing concept out there of bringing renewed warmth & sisterhood to the age-old traditional support group.  Just Google “breastfeeding cafe” and you will find many nice groups and variations on the theme.

And while one cafe may differ from the next, the goal is the same:  regular support to new moms in need, facilitated by a breastfeeding expert – usually an IBCLC or LLLL.

So what does our Cafe provide?

Why a yoga studio and not a real coffee shop? Good question. We like the vibe and energy that a yoga studio provides.  The daily ritual of healing energy and transformation that happens in a yoga studio is very appealing and you can feel it when you enter.  It also provides privacy!  Sitting in a coffee shop has its benefits too.  A coffee shop would certainly allow us to charge less, likely a suggested donation.  But the group flow would be more like a Q&A, with far less hands on opportunity because of the privacy issue. Many women would feel less comfortable having us help manage a poor latch or show them proper technique sitting in the middle of a coffee shop.

Does it differ from Mother-to-mother support like LLL? Yes.  In several ways. In our area finding a regular, local, weekly breastfeeding group is a challenge.  Our idea of a Breastfeeding Cafe is to provide weekly support so a new mom never has to wait more than a few days to get her answers.

Also, while our roots are with LLL and we have been LLL leaders for years, the skill set we bring to The Breastfeeding Cafe is our expertise as IBCLC.   We are able to work with problems and issues that a new mom would not find at her local mother-to-mother or mommy group.  Our experience goes way beyond the normal course of breastfeeding.  We want you to know we are here for your big problems and challenges.

And because we are a group setting the added benefit to our group is that you do get plenty of sisterhood and meeting new moms to boot!

So is it like a traditional support group where women gather for Q&A with an expert facilitator? Yes.  You bring the questions, we’ll provide the answers and hands on support for whatever challenge you bring to us.

Is it a group clinic or a health care provider service? Yes it can be looked at this way in the sense that an IBCLC is a part of your health care provider team!  We do not do super bills for insurance in this setting though.  It is fee-for-service.  If your needs are so complex that we can not provide full attention to you in this setting we would do some initial intake and analysis and then recommend a private visit in your home.  You are coming to the group to have an IBCLC put eyes and hands on you to make sure you are doing it right.  If that can not be handled in an hour and a half, don’t worry, we won’t let you leave without options and choice!

Do you get one on one support or is it more general information? Both! Depending on how many mothers join us, we will make time to sit with you one on one if time allows.  Many general issues are questions all mothers share in the first few weeks of motherhood.  So general information is always useful.  When the subject of managing engorgement comes up even if we’re working with one mother (showing how to massage the breast, get an optimal latch or correct positioning) our instruction will help all mothers who are gathered and listening.

Are we sitting around talking in sisterhood or is there a topic or lecture? We are talking in sisterhood, one wise woman to another.  You bring the issues and challenges, we provide the wisdom and support.  We would never want you to leave if you don’t feel you had a chance to have your questions answered.  If no one has specific questions, we’ll lead the discussion on topics appropriate to the age of the infants in attendance.

Is there really tea available? Yes, there really is!  As we like to say, “come sit for some tea and wisdom!”

Hopefully this will bring clarity to what we’re trying to build.  We are ever evolving in hopes that we can best meet the needs of our community!  Please be in touch and email us or join our Facebook page.  Let us know what YOU would like to see us offer!

Breastfeeding Blessings ~

Deirdre & Lenora

I make milk … what’s your Superpower?

You see the phrase everywhere.  On t-shirts, bumper stickers, blogs (ahem).  It’s cute and I like it.  It’s a powerful statement and what’s more … it’s true!  Making milk is a super power.  It’s pretty darn awesome!  It is healing, life saving, empowering, easy, soothing, nourishing, convenient, free, primal …. and on and on.

Between the Surgeon General’s recent Call to Action on breastfeeding, the rise of more milk banks and greater serious clinical discussion of milk sharing, local Human Milk for Human Babies chapters, breastmilk ice cream, super celebrities tweeting about their breastfeeding … I feel it’s a great time to be a lactation consultant.  Breastfeeding is a hot topic in 2011, and it’s charging its way to national and global awareness!  Yee-ha!

But what is this doing to our local mom-on-the-street? I am loving the increased “normalcy” of breastfeeding, don’t get me wrong.  It makes me squeal with excitement and delight.  It’s a paradigm shift that is long over due (are you listening Birth World … AMA, ACOG? You’re next!).

I worry though about fast swinging pendulums that can swing at the expense of some.  I hope we don’t throw baby out with bath water whereby many of our moms get caught in the middle.  I’m speaking of working moms or moms who have significant breastfeeding challenges … moms who need to find supplemental infant nutrition to tide them over a hurdle or even long-term.

I had an email yesterday from a mom who frequents my Breastfeeding Arts Facebook page.  She was venting privately with me of her confusion, grief, anger … and jealousy towards moms who were posting about the ease with which they pump, or worse, moms who didn’t need to pump, SAHM’s who have the choice not to pump.  This working mom is having trouble finding internet & real-life community to meet her needs (shout out if you have ideas, please!)

Now hold on, yes, this is an age-old tale of how we moms can be in competition with one another like no other creature on Earth.  It’s not exclusively a breastfeeding pickle we put ourselves in.  We do it to ourselves, how we compare and judge, and how we toss out comments and don’t realize how they impact those other moms around us who have lifestyle differences.

I try, as an IBCLC, to pay very careful attention to the full picture of a woman’s life as a new mother.  There is more going on than we will likely ever know and I need to be sensitive to that.  If we listen closely and not leap to assumptions about birth choice or infant feeding choice, we can open a respectful dialog that really problem solves, rather than turns folks off because the initial contact and conversation was one dappled with judgment and presumptions.

Many American women must return to work early on.  Many struggle with pumping, with relaxing during a busy day to breathe and find quiet time to elicit a true milk let-down. Often I get calls from moms who feel their milk supply is diminishing at such a rate that they won’t be able to keep their baby in breastmilk for the entire 1st year.  And it’s heartbreaking for them.

This “working mom” … her Superpower is that she is an enlightened mother who cares. Her superpower is that she wants to provide the best possible nutrition for her baby.  Her superpower is that she reaches out to all parts of her community to find answers and feel supported.  And yet, she can often wind up feeling isolated.  Perhaps even more so now with all the fist-pumping, “I’m a breastfeeding mom, hear me ROAR!”

There are no breastfeeding specific new-mommy groups for working moms in my area (we’re working on it!).  Do any moms head out to the playground after a hard day of work or stroll around the park after dinner?  So there are few connections to be made there. And, if mom can sneak away and attend a new-mommy group on the weekend or during lunch hour, it is often filled with SAHM’s and there in lies that age-old comparison game and mental trip we lay upon each other.

The Surgeon General’s Call to Action specifically asks us, the IBCLC and other conduits of support, to step in and help here … “a society-wide approach to support mothers and babies who are breastfeeding. This approach will increase the public health impact of everyone’s efforts, reduce inequities in the quality of health care that mothers and babies receive, and improve the support that families receive in employment and community settings.” (italics my emphasis)

Ok, so how can my Superpower be to help these moms find the support they need?  What can I do to help her find her balance and comfort zone as a working, breastfeeding mother?

A question in all this not being talked much about is maternity leave itself.  Has the Breast Pump Revolution put an end to any serious look at changing maternity leave policy?  Does work place pumping legislation and pumps & bottle manufactures as big-$$$ industry allow us to ignore the issue of better post partum and maternity leave policy?  I’ll leave you with that thought and this most excellent New Yorker Article from 2009 that asks just that.  Take the time to read the article and figure out if all our collective superpowers might be best applied rallying for better care and support for all mothers in the first year of their newborns life!

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/01/19/090119fa_fact_lepore?currentPage=1

Breastfeeding Blessings,

Deirdre

Being comfortable nursing in public is not a skill instantly acquired by a new mom. Many woman struggle at first with mechanics, feeling balanced and confident … at home, let alone heading out into public.  Finding comfort and grace in breastfeeding in public will come!  But it can take time.

I recall when my 1st born was about 2 months old I was nursing her under a tree in Riverside park.  It was the beginning of summer and very warm out.  I sat on the grass, leaned against the tree trunk and latched my girl on.  I had what I considered good technique and had most of my boob and skin covered.  Although being summer and in a tank top, I’m sure I had some parts (side, armpit) showing a little no doubt.  Point is:  I was obviously breastfeeding my baby.  I recall a more experienced mom walking by, two kids skipping ahead of her.  She gave me that “solidarity smile.”  Her smile said, “I see you, I know what you’re doing, it’s so great, good for you, keep it up …”

Wouldn’t it be great if every glance came with that message … “you’re doing great, don’t stop, what a beautiful sight, warms my heart, keep up the good work, good job mama!”

But what if you don’t get those reactions?  Or worse, you’re faced with resistance, open intolerance and ignorance, anger and <gasp, the absolute worst> you’re requested to move or stop nursing?

A little planning ahead can make the sometimes daunting idea of nursing in public a whole lot easier.

1. Know what the law is in your state.  This link is a good place to start, but be in touch with a local La Leche League group or IBCLC, lactation consultant because she is likely to have experience in the breastfeeding laws of your area.  And don’t be freaked out by this suggestion.  Overwhelmingly women experience very little strife with breastfeeding in public.  People overwhelmingly are kind or at least keep their opinion to themselves.  But there is ignorance out there, so knowing your rights is wise. http://www.ncsl.org/default.aspx?tabid=14389

2. Wear clothing that you are comfortable nursing in. Layers help. It’s easy to bring a part of a button down shirt over your breast or side to help cover any skin you may be self-conscious about exposing from raising your t-shirt. The nursing clothes market is huge - take advantage!  Bras too – there are many great nursing bras out there.  The trick is to feel like a stealth machine in hooking and un-hooking it, so you don’t ever have to  fear stumbling through the process in those first weeks.   I have always loved http://www.bravadodesigns.com/ and had a really sexy hot leopard print one back in 1998 that rocked my world and made me feel great & pretty as a newly nursing mom.

3. Be loving toward yourself, no matter what your level of confidence is with breastfeeding in public .  Some moms seem very relaxed and able to just whip a baby on to the breast with barely a patch of skin showing.  Don’t play the comparison game!  You’ll get comfortable in your own groove, just trust in the process.  Confidence grows with experience.  Go easy on yourself.  Great tip:  sit down, get comfortable in front of a full length mirror and practice, practice, practice!

4.  Breastfeeding tents or covers? I have mixed feelings.  I try to be kind, but overwhelmingly I just don’t get them.  I know you’re nursing under there.  Especially if it’s a beautiful, vibrant color pattern – there certainly is no secret to what you’re doing.  That said, I do honor that each of us needs to find our comfort zone.  It does sadden me though that we as a culture are marketing something that perpetuates the notion that breastfeeding is best done … but not seen!  Why as sisters do we permit our other sisters to cover up?  My personal commitment to you is:   you are beautiful nursing that baby, with or without a cover up, and I would love to see you do more of it regardless!

5. You attract more bees with honey. It’s easy to get really mad if people hassle you. Or, retreat in defeat.  I’d recommend you do neither.  If you’ve had your legal rights violated, been given a hairy eyeball by a stranger or been repeatedly questioned by a family member – don’t go it alone!   Reach out to your local breastfeeding advocates — lactavists, IBCLC’s, La Leche League leaders, other moms.   They can help you navigate family and community relationships with diplomacy, legal understanding, good ethics and PR, and do so all with sensitivity to your personal and specific needs.

6. Know your safety zones. I highly recommend La Leche League or other breastfeeding support group, or “Breastfeeding Cafe” be your first outing.  Here you know you’ll be in a circle of women who are like minded with the same goals as you.  You’ll feel safe and welcomed! And, equally important, you’ll be able to ask them about your neighborhood. This is super key – knowing which coffee houses, toy stores, libraries, book stores and parks are “breastfeeding friendly” – meaning you’ll feel safe and welcome to sit comfortably to nurse your baby and (bonus!) you’re likely to meet other new moms there doing the same thing.  Get out and explore, but know where your safety zone is so you can pop in if necessary and feel at ease.

Peaceful breastfeeding to all ~

Deirdre McLary, IBCLC

Similarly, as a lactation consultant, I remind mothers that the same holds true for getting breastfeeding off to the best start possible.  Breastfeeding is a symbiotic dance of intuitive and primal bonding, where disruption and interference can lead the pair astray.  Left alone to explore, most babies do just fine given space to trust and use its five senses.  No sales gimmicks, no merchandising, no fancy pillows or swaddling cloth.  Just mama and baby, skin to skin.

A baby needs to smell you.   Let baby be on your body, skin to skin, smelling your oils and scent.  When fresh from the womb, decline a “bath” in the nursery (babies aren’t dirty after all) and request to wash your baby yourself in your own time.  Let the womb scent imprint on your baby those first hours.  Rub any vernix into babies skin rather than wash away.  These smells will trigger awareness in your baby that she is right where she needs to be – near you!

A baby needs to taste you.  If you allow a baby to “crawl” up your abdomen to your breast in those first moments of life, a baby will pick up your flavor and respond favorably.  There are wonderful videos of “the newborn crawl” – ask your childbirth educator about them.  Sensing through crawling will stimulate neck, mouth and suckling reflexes as baby roots around looking for a nipple.  Allow his lips to take in the world around him as he finds his way to your breast to nurse.

A baby needs to touch you.  Throw out those darn baby mittens!  In the picture see how baby is hugging the breast?  No swaddling or mittens.  See mother’s gentle hands cradling her baby?  Allow baby to take hold and feel around to get its bearings.  A good starting position is to recline a bit and put baby in the midline of your chest, eyes at the level of the nipples.  Just let baby root, wiggle and feel around.  Baby’s hands are vital to orienting itself towards an optimal nursing position, to navigate and balance itself to ensure a good latch.  Be patient and with good support, give baby time to explore.

A baby needs to see you.  It is no coincidence that a newborns range of vision is 8 – 15 inches.  Their focus is poor beyond that range at birth, but Mother Nature knew baby wanted to see its mother.  And sure enough, 8 – 15 inches is the distance between mother and baby’s face while breastfeeding.  This ideal distance most likely evolved because of breastfeeding.  So gaze into your babies eyes and know that she sees you.

A baby needs to hear you.  A newborn will turn its head toward the direction of its mother’s or father’s voice.  In the womb, your baby was rocked and sung to by the soft, buffered tones of your voice and heartbeat.  Baby knows your voice and heartsong, so sing, hum and talk to baby often.  Even at birth, the tender voice and inflection of love, support, trust and confidence resonates intuitively with baby.  As your little one orients, roots and suckles, cheer him on in a gentle and loving way.  Some parents find “ooohing” and “aaahing” over a newborn counter-intuitive at first, having never ooogled over a baby before.  Let the primal seeds of vocally praising your baby take root.  Growing up hearing supportive, loving and peaceful words on a regular basis can only be a good thing!

Peaceful Breastfeeding To All ~

Deirdre